Next Tuesday is my birthday. I started thinking about what I wanted to do for my birthday, since I usually like to go out with friends and have fun–normal stuff. This year I havent thought about what I want to very much at all. Maybe it’s because in year’s past I have been the one planning my own shindig–if someone complained or didnt have a good time I would blame myself so I guess a part of me just wants to say ’screw it!’ and stay home to watch Biggest Loser (since the big 2-9 falls on a Tuesday).
Then I started thinking about my past birthdays and one in particular came to mind: my 28th birthday. That’s right, last year. Some of you may recall the events that went down on that day… if not, go back and read about it…
For a brief synopsis, my friend Jon and I were playing a round of golf at Alvamar and ended up being present when the life of Ed White came to an end. Thinking of that day makes me sad because it happened on my birthday, but it also makes me think of a lot of other things, like death and happiness. Here’s why…
Ed White’s life might have come to an end that day, but what a way to go! He was out playing a round of golf with lifelong friends. It was a gorgeous day and he was on the mend from a recent stroke. Because Jon and I played behind them most of the day we could tell they were having a great time and enjoying eachother’s company. If you had to choose how you would die, what would you choose? I dont know about you, but I think my choice might be somewhat similar to Ed’s last day.
I think if I could choose, I would spend my last day surrounded by my closest friends doing something we all enjoy–maybe golf, maybe hanging out at the J’s house playing Wii, or maybe we will kick it old school and go to Phoggy Dog. If I knew it was my last dayI think I would do everything in my power to make it the happiest day of my life, wouldnt you?
The whole death thing scares the crap out of me, Im not going to lie. One of my biggest fears is losing my parents (or anyone I’m close to). I do NOT handle death well and I think that when the day comes that one of my parents passes away, I will not know how to handle it. Thinking about death brings up all sorts of questions: would you want to know when you are going to die? No. If you did know, would you tell your friends/family? No. If you could choose, how would you want to die? I think I might want to laugh so hard my insides exploded.
After thinking about death for a little while, I had to think of something peppy (cause Im SO peppy). I started thinking about happiness. What makes me happy? What doesnt make me happy? Are there things in my life that I am doing that do not make me happy, but I continue to do them anyway?
I saw a show on TLC the other day about lottery winners. One of them bought this nice house on the beach in Florida a long time ago for a really good price–obviously land values went up and it’s now worth A LOT more… long story short, he lost his house because he made some bad investments. He still has plenty of money, just not enough to keep the house. So on all of his mirrors he has this saying “You are looking directly at the source of all your happiness and sorrow.” That’s right folks, on this guy’s bathroom mirror is a little nugget of wisdom.
I think it’s true–I am the source of my happiness or my sorrow, no one else. I guess it’s time for me to pay attention to those things in my life that don’t make me happy and try to get rid of or fix them. It’s difficult sometimes, for people like me, a people pleaser, to say no, or be mean. I guess I just need to grow a pair 
I think this has been long enough–well, enough rambling from me anyway.
So maybe just a chill dinner in KC on Tuesday–I’ll keep you posted. OR–maybe this year we will go all out for Sara’s bday!!
