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This is why I hate Monkeys.

February 19, 2009

Okay… so some of you might not know this…but I HATE monkeys.  I usually list them on things I am afraid of in the form of rabid monkeys, but in general, I do not like monkeys. They creep me out…a lot. Especially when they are dressed up in people clothes.  I find it disturbing that their DNA is only 2 matches away from ours but in those 2 little matches all sorts of crazy shit happens.

For instance, did you read this story about the “pet” chimp, Travis, that flipped out and attacked someone savagely? Well if not, here it is along with the frantic 911 call its insane. I guess Travis had been his owners “pet” for many years and just recently started acting strange and aggitated because he was suffering from Lyme Disease (which causes rage in monkeys as a damn symptom). I have so many problems with this story its not even funny.

-no one should have a “pet” monkey. They are wild animals, I dont care what you say. Just like any animal they can turn violent at the drop of a hat.

-Travis grabbed the keys and let himself out of the house…hello!? If he could take the keys and let him out of the house, what other keys could have have grabbed–I wouldnt have been surprised if he took the car keys and drove himself around.

-He attacked the woman unprovoked….and pretty much mauled her. Insane!

-the owner totally catered to him as if he was her child. I think she might have some mental problems. Yes, I understand that he was “all she had left” and if I were in her position…only with a cat, I would probably spoil her by getting her better cat food, there is no way I would make her lobster, steak, or let her borrow my car.

Grr! I just have a strong distaste for monkeys that people have as pets. The little ones with the diapers on, the biggers ones with people clothes on, the ones throwing poop at other monkeys or picking stuff off others and eating it. Gross. I dont know if I’ve gotten this point across….but I really dont like monkeys.

*shudder* I think if I had to choose a “worst way to die” would be to be mauled by a monkey.

Damn dirty apes!

30 Comments leave one →
  1. Sarah...the girl you will actually be meeting in 3 months... permalink
    February 20, 2009 7:13 AM

    I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m pretty much a doctor (yes, it’s an ongoing joke…).

    I’m thinking that the monkey had a brain tumor. Violent reactions like that happen in humans, too. Even if the person has been super-calm their whole life, a brain tumor pushing on random areas of the brain can cause crazy behavior.

    Be assured that a random monkey in people clothes will not attack you on the street. Honestly, I would be more concerned about random humans.

    • anythingbutali permalink*
      February 21, 2009 11:51 AM

      I know they wont come attack me.. but I try not to put myself in positions where there is even a possibility.

      Just not a monkey fan. We will not be going to any crazy monkey shows in Vegas…. if you guys go, I will be opting out. :)

    • Colorado Bill permalink
      February 16, 2011 2:44 PM

      I believe they did study the ape’s brain, and could find no tumors or such. Chimps in the wild like to eat meat. They are excellent hunters, and seen to go crazy when hunting. Perhaps he just thought a taste of raw meat would be good now. He did attack his owner, but she stabbed him a few times in the back trying to get him off her friend that came over to help her. He sat on her friend and calmly ate her face. While I am no Doctor, and I may be wrong, keeping any animal that has not been domesticated is always a crap shoot. They can turn on you just to test the hierarchy in the “troop”.
      I had a full blood timber wolf. Every once in a while he would challenge me as the alpha. If you are going to raise wild animals, you better know what you’re doing and to expect the unexpected.

    • vince permalink
      April 2, 2011 6:26 AM

      Yes, but a human can’t delimb you with only their hands. I have a friend who is an exotic vet and told me that he will not work on monkeys. He said that they (chimps) will pin you down and pop your fingers off just for fun. Google monkey attacks and tell those people with the plastic faces (freak show even after plastic surgery – no offense to the injured) that monkeys are safe!

  2. February 21, 2009 1:25 PM

    So, I can’t bring my pet Orangutan with us to Vegas?

    • anythingbutali permalink*
      February 21, 2009 3:02 PM

      Uhh.. yes.. thats exactly what it means.

  3. Terri permalink
    February 22, 2009 7:25 AM

    Monkeys are nasty, vile, disgusting creatures. I’m an animal lover. I detest people who wear fur, am a member of the ASPCA and WWF, but there’s no way I could ever like a monkey. If they all vanished from the earth tomorrow I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

    • anythingbutali permalink*
      February 22, 2009 8:32 AM

      My thoughts exactly! I love animals and dont know how people can abuse them, but Im not sure Id be opposed to hitting a monkey. :)

  4. heidi permalink
    February 22, 2009 2:37 PM

    he would take the keys and drive himself around the neighborhood on occasion!!! he would also drink wine out of a stemmed wine class, and eat lobster and filet mignon. crazy.

  5. Eddie permalink
    July 23, 2009 9:54 PM

    I love Animals……but Monkeys should be BEATEN AND KILLED…SHOULD BE USED IN RESEARCH……I would like to have a zoo with only Monkeys in it…At this zoo you could go and beat monkeys…nothing is better than a stinking monkey being BEATEN HARD…Rub its ugly face in poop Knock its teeth out with a bat START IT ON FIRE AND WATCH IT GO…kICK THEM IN THE NUTS WITH STEEL TOE BOOTS…HANG THERE YOUNG BY THE NECK AND MAKE THEM WATCH AND BEAT THEM AT THE SAME TIME UGLY STINKING STUPID POOP EATERS

    • vince permalink
      April 2, 2011 6:29 AM

      The funny thing is that they do exactly that to themselves. When baboons attack other baboon clans they kill young first and sometime eat them. i watched a vide where one was beating the crap out of another with a torn of baboon arm he was using as a club. What the hell!

    • January 8, 2013 4:10 PM

      yeah id like to tie one down,and torture it!!! i cant stand the basterds!!!!

  6. August 18, 2009 9:35 PM

    monkeys are nice when they are nice. monkeys are scary when they are angry.

  7. annonymus permalink
    July 16, 2010 1:01 AM

    i hate monkies so much
    i wanna torture thier babies

  8. Colorado Bill permalink
    February 16, 2011 2:34 PM

    I love all animals, except monkeys. I have no idea why I hate them so much, but if I could kill them all I’d do it. Even as a kid I never wanted to go in to the monkey house at the zoo. All the other kids were laughing and saying how cute they were, all I could think of was either get me out of here, or gettting my .22 rifle and shooting them. I wish I would like them, but all I every want to do is step on them, even the babies. My uncle has a place in Florida, and has wild monkeys on it. He keeps wanting me to come down, but all I would want to do is kill the nasty little bags of crap.

  9. sam c permalink
    August 2, 2011 3:17 AM

    if anyone that would like to wage war on monkeys just let me know I’ll be on board. I would not have a problem with wiping those disgusting bastards of the face of the earth. and with all of the leftover monkey meat we could solve the starvation problem in the world, although I doubt a homeless or starving person would want to lower themselves from eating out of dumpsters to taste monkey meat. but seriously war on all monkeys apes baboons or chimps just let me know I’ll be the general of the army

  10. August 9, 2011 6:31 PM

    Oh my god. You people totally get it! I HATE EFFIN MONKEYS!!! I see them and I want to hit them! They are just STUPID and creepy. That stupid monkey in the Hangover II, god I wanted to punt it! But I love other animals just like all of you. I feel better knowing you all get it

  11. Rastus permalink
    October 20, 2011 6:52 AM

    Thank God, There ARE others like me that instinctively detest the lesser primates. I love animals…except monkeys. I look at them and just know they are evil and calculating. Near my Ohio home 50 exotic animals were allegedly released by their captor who then supposedly committed suicide. 49 lions, tigers, bears, wolves and others were gunned down over the next two days. The sole animal unaccounted for was the freaking monkey! I believe he killed the keeper, made it look like a suicide and released all the other animals. The monkey is reportedly infected with herpes and remains at large.

    • anythingbutali permalink*
      October 20, 2011 10:53 AM

      That’s horrible…stupid monkeys!!!

  12. Kathryn permalink
    October 26, 2011 10:23 PM

    I can’t even begin to express just how much I HATE monkeys, and I am so glad that I’m not the only person who feels this way! I too am an animal lover, my cats are my best friends ever, and I adore my son’s German Shepherd. I hate animal abusers, and I’ve done a fair bit of animal rescues (usually pets being abused by neighbors). However, my love for animals does not extend to monkeys! I hate them, they’re nasty, ugly beasts. I couldn’t care less about the beasts being used in research or being abused. I would shoot them if I was able to. Horrible vermin, monkeys!!!

  13. Kathryn permalink
    October 26, 2011 10:31 PM

    I heard about all of those poor, beautiful lions, tigers, and other wild/exotic animals that were set loose and shot. It infuriated me so much to see the pictures of the big cats that were killed. So many endangered animals needlessly killed. And it was that freaking horrible monkey that managed to avoid capture. At least one of the big cats managed to catch one of the other monkeys for a quick snack. Blech, monkeys…

  14. Erik permalink
    November 12, 2011 9:43 AM

    Indiosyncratic, but fuggit.I love all animals but can’t stand simians.They’re too close to humans,making them ugly.I always get a mental picture of George Bush in an enclosure,flinging his feces at and masturbating in front of busloads of schoolkids.

  15. Hippo permalink
    May 14, 2012 2:46 PM

    I love monkeys. Why do u guys hate them so much. You may hate them but other people may not care what you think so get over it.

  16. dfr@live.com permalink
    May 25, 2012 5:38 PM

    I hate a monkey, I really hate the little ones. they stink and should be killed slowly in research labs.

  17. diganta permalink
    June 1, 2013 3:36 PM

    nice… makes me relieved there are so many like me.
    the main reason is that when i was small the monkeys used to come in my garden and harass my cats. one time one of them stole one of my kittens. i didn’t find it. later i heard from my neighbour that the fucking monkey took the poor thing on the top of a tree and kept it there till till it starved to death. it used to come down to eat but it would not feed the kitten. i can’t imagine the kitty’s fate. those horrible creatures would also destroy my plants. seriously, i am looking out for monkeys and hoping to come one- on- one with one. then i would bash its head with a bamboo pole.

  18. diganta permalink
    June 1, 2013 3:40 PM

    and did i mention,i love all animals but monkeys.hate them. the sight of them makes my blood boil.

  19. October 14, 2013 4:53 PM

    This is too funny! I thought I was the only person who can’t stand monkeys! I LOVE animals…reptiles…even most insects…but cannot stand monkeys. I would love to beat them over their stupid ugly heads! I mean seriously, something happens to me inside when I see one and I want to kill it. I don’t think they’re cute. I don’t think they’re funny. I do think they are hideous, creepy, disgusting creatures that I wish would all die!

  20. Jesus permalink
    November 26, 2013 10:16 PM

    I hate monkees. They stink, are worthless, ugly and mischievous. Shoot em all.

  21. Rel, Cyclops permalink
    November 26, 2013 10:26 PM

    Id like to bat em about with a tennis racket…It will be fun. Disgusting foul bastards!!! Like Gargamel and his hate for smurfs, I have it for apelife…targets only they are…Id use 100 ways to dispose of em…ovens, microwaves, skeet fodder for shotguns, sharkfood, Piranha food, snakefood, get a bunch of little crosses and nail monkey’s to them…put into jet engines, cement mixers, blenders, garbage disposals, furnaces…toss from planes, trains, ships, north pole, volcanos…Military rifle practice turds…grenade targets, any other Christian things any of you can think let me know.

  22. December 8, 2013 5:55 PM

    Monkeys are laughable from a human point of view. We view them a bit like we view Down Syndrome children – an object of mockery. Normally, they have a health y fear of us, as we can kill them at will – but unfortunately due to stupid expressions of some religion – Buddhism, HInduism – they are protected in tourist-y areas and their become aggressive and foul in their protection. They think they can bite and grab and demand food, and engage in their laughable and disgusting sex, grooming and social activities in broad daylight (slightly joking this part). They have various deadly diseases to pass on to us, SIV which could become another epidemic worse than HIV.

    As long as they are kept in their place – in subjection to be laughed at and held up to ridicule by us – they’re okay. If they run around free aggressively biting people, they should be culled with poison bait.

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